Happy 18th birthday

 Happy birthday to our beautiful Kenzie. I can't believe you would be 18. We miss you so much, but I know you are doing great things in heaven. 

Hope you are celebrating with all your sweet friends and family. Thank you for making me a mom 18 years ago and choosing me to be your mom. You changed me for the better, and I will always keep your memory alive.

Oh, the things I wonder, would you be driving,  dating, working, would you have grown much taller if you got that healthy heart you really needed?

We celebrated you today by donating all the toys that your friends and family donated to your toy drive to Primary Children's Hospital this morning. I hope you know you have amazing people who love you so much. You definitely put your mark in this world and touched so many lives in your short time here with us. I am so beyond proud of you for who you are.

We also went and visited you today, ate Olive Garden for lunch, and did the startbucks challenge you wanted to do after your transplant. We miss you and love you so much and wish you were still here with us. Happy Heavenly birthday, sweet Angel. 

#HappyBirthdayKenzie #LoveLikeKenzie #findingjoyinourgrief #missmygirlalways #apieceofmyheartisinheaven #DonateLife

Heartiversary

 I can't let the day go by without being thankful for Kenzie's donor. 16 years ago today, someone had to make a difficult decision in such a hard time in their lives to allow their loved one to live on through Organ Donation. 

Even though her heart didnt last as long as we have hoped for, If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have had those extra 13 years with our sweet girl. 

Kenzie always loved making brownies to honor her donor, so this year, Makayla made them all by herself. 

We had Kenzie's favorite dinner, had a picnic at her resting place, ate the brownies, and released balloons to her donor and to Kenzie.

As we were leaving the store after buying the balloons we ran into a sweet friend and she handed us cute little windmills to decorate Kenzie's headstones. It was so sweet and thoughtful, she had no idea what today was. 

When we released the balloons one teal balloon went its own way while the others stayed together, and then it looked like it just stood still for a while, while the others kept flying away. The kids said that Kenzie was hanging on to that one, my heart loves when our children believe that Kenzie is with us when we do family things. 

Myleigh also said that maybe Kenzie's friends that have also passed on were holding on to the balloons with her, as they were naming her sweet friends names they kept looking up at the balloons, watching them go up to heaven.

Grief is hard and today like these days, I love celebrating Makenzie. Maybe because I don't want to let go or it makes the day easier for me to get through the day. But whatever it is it has worked and I find myself less depressed and more how Kenzie would want me to be.

We love you, Kenzie, and we miss you so much. 

               Happy heartiversary sweet girl.

 

Kenzie dreams

 I just woke up from a wonderful dream about Kenzie. ❤️ I dreamed we were throwing a big party for Tyler and one of the kids came up and asked Monica where Kenzie was and when she was going to be there. And Monica told them that Kenzie wasn't going to be at the party, because she was in heaven. And I said of course she'll be here, she's always here! We just don't always get to see her, but today we can see her here and I think she's here right now. And I opened the front door and she was standing on the porch and i stepped outside and gave her the biggest hug. She looked all grown up and was only a few inches shorter than I was. ❤️ Then I woke up. It was wonderful. Anyways just know I love her and I miss her. 

Shontel Pires dream 

Kenzie playing with Paetyn

 I was downstairs cleaning the playroom and I asked Paetyn how she got the phase 10 cards down from the top shelf of our old tv stand and she replied with "Kenzie got it down for me to play with her". It kind of shocked me that she said that cause she has never talked about Kenzie that way.  So I asked her if she had fun playing with her, and she said "yes we played a lot."  I told her that she was going to make me cry cause that is so sweet and I love hearing that you played with Kenzie. 

She then went on and said that they played hiding go seek and that Kenzie hid in the TV stand and she hid in the blanket. Then paetyn said I dont want to make you cry mom. I told her it was okay, I want to hear all about you playing with Kenzie. She then went on how they played together and played on the gymnastic bar and that Kenzie helped her do a flip on it. Then they went back and played hiding go seek and that kenzie was standing on the stairs and she was wearing a princess shirt with a shirt under it. 

I then asked her were did Kenzie go after they were done playing and she pointed up and said she had to go back to her home. 

 I really hope she had that sweet moment of playing with her sister.  The first 9 months of Paetyns life it was just the 2 of them having sibling bonding time since I was able to have Paetyn at the hospital with me while Kenzie was there waiting for her transplant. I'm so grateful that Kenzie was able to spend time with Paetyn then and now. I knew they would always have a special bond and I hope Paetyn will always remember her and that Kenzie will visit continue to visit her. 

These are the locations they played at 

Visits from Kenzie

 The night you took your last breath I had a dream about you. You came to me as a little girl all dressed in white sitting on Grandma Madsen laps. You looked so happy and healthy. You didn't say anything just sat there to let me know that you were okay. I love and miss you so much. Please continue to come visit me in my dreams and continue to give me signs you are with us. 

Roberta she had a dream about you and you were sitting in church and Roberta walked in and sat down by you and you told her finally you made it. That was it. She wasn't sure what it meant. But she wanted to share it with your mom. 

Visits from kenzie

 Today I had a sweet reminder that Kenzie is always around, even if it isn't with us. 

One of Kenzie's really good friend just got out of the hospital last Wednesday.  She was at Primary Children Hospital for a month, from a ruptured appendix and then complications from it. 

Today I went and visited her and took her and her family dinner. She is still pretty fragile and has a feeding tube, and when I walked into her house I just bawled. PTSD is real and seeing her just brought back memories. 

We talked a lot about her hospital stay and all the nurses that she had and those that remember Kenzie, and all the changes they have made to the hospital, and how 30 days is forever long in the hospital. 

Then her mom said "I have a story to tell you about kenzie and I was trying to find a good time to tell you" she proceeded and said one night as she was sleeping, she woke up with Kenzie telling her that she is there with her daughter and is watching over her so she told her daughter that Kenzie is with her and that she would be okay. 

 Talk about a tear jerker, but a good one. Kenzie lived most of her life at the hospital and wanted to be a doctor or nurse when she grew up so she could help kids like her. I'm so thankful she is watching over her friends, and I am so glad that my friend told me about her Kenzie moment, I love hearing stories about Kenzie, memories, dreams that people have had of her, signs that people may have had that kenzie is with them.